: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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