if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
