why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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