I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
