There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Terrible idea I love it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
