I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is Oprah even human
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
