Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
