Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
