You're so nebulous sometimes
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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