In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
