Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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