If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
