how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
