I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
