They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
