Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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