walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
