She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
