I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
