She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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