You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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