I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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