Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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