Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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