from now on my penis is your penis
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
