Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
