Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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