did you get engaged???
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
