Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My cat gives me a boner
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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