she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
