it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
