you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
