I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
