Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
