her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
