That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
