smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
