having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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