After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
