Pappa wants mamma naked
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
