Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
