He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
