nut hugger
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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