Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
