We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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