the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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