do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
