just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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