I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
