and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
