You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
