So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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